Self-Prep

My blocked leave is coming to an end soon. 

It has been a good rest indeed. 

I have been trying to get the Eid preparations done as early as I can for the family. This is perhaps my way of trying to not be passive this Ramadhan. 

Alhamdulilah, the preparations have been running smoothly. I am quite glad that I need not rush much and concentrate on what is important; fasting itself. I am thankful that I can fast. Some people can't even fast due to their medical condition. I heard of some who make their way to Mecca to seek in Allah and pray in front of the Ka'abah, the ability to experience fasting in this holy month, Masha Allah. Such sheer determination. Such stories inspire me and I am trying to be better than before. 

I do envy those who strive for the sake of Allah in their daily lives.

Not an easy task for me I tell you, not complaining though. Preparing for hereafter is something that needs a lot of hard work. Maybe, this does not apply to everyone, but it does to me. The ever-widening gap between myself and The Creator is something that needs to be mended. The more I work on it, the more questions popped into my mind. The more scared I feel. How prepared am I to face Him when my time comes?

There were things that happened in my life. Unexpected things, disembarking from euphoria, jumping off the bandwagon, healing from hurt and many more. How does one overcome all these? There were times that I questioned myself, doubting, being in disbelief and more. Then I try to spend many more moments talking to Him and convincing myself that His tests were meant to develop me and prepare me to be closer to Him. In shaa Allah.

This entry may sound a little solemn. I know I do not sound my usual chirpy self. I probably misplaced the thick-skin mask somewhere, revealing a lil more of my vulnerable side tonite. I know there are people out there who are in a much more unfortunate situation than I am. 

I still try to count my blessings and thank Allah for the good and everything else. He's got my back, I believe in that. He loves us all.

Somehow tonite, I can't seem to shake this feeling, not too sure why. Someday, maybe even tomorrow, I know I am gonna look back at this entry and laugh for feeling this way. 

For now... Let me divert whatever energy I have to bring back that happiness and positivity back.

May Allah smoothen our load this Ramadhan. 

Have a blessed Ramadhan.