Blocked leave.
I can probably smell its presence right around the corner.
This is one of the wonders of my work. We are forced to stay away from work no matter how much we do not want to. Seriously! And here I am toggling between clearing my 2015 work as well as being excited for the upcoming year ahead.
Yesterday, my friends and I decided to get together after work to catch up for a bit. We see one another physically almost every single day, but, we rarely get the privilege these days to sit and catch up on what's going on due to our responsibilities. It is usually a mere hi, bye, lunch? busy, you get the drift.
After having dessert at my favourite cafe, we walked around for a bit. It was surprising how I keep bumping into some friends along the way. What was unexpected though, I bumped into an old crush. Let's just call him, the infamous X for the sake of this entry.
I probably had the longest crush on X. Seeing him, I felt like a little school girl, looking up to this tall guy. I realised then, I still have that same crush on him since I first knew him at the age of 13. 13 I tell you. That was like donkey years ago, right? I was surprised that I found my heart racing and screaming at me. Can you believe it? My heart felt like it was pumping to the beat of Lean On! That is probably the same kind of heart rate I had whenever X used to speak me back in school.
I wanted to kick myself for not asking more about X, but quite honestly, my shyness simply got the better of me and, I wanted to play it cool. I had to. What was I thinking? I think I could feel myself blushing under his gaze. We spoke for a bit. X returned to Singapore about 2 years ago. I remembered from a brief conversation some years back, he simply wanted to continue studying overseas for as long as he possibly could. Plus, back then, he was already seeing someone then. I guess when I learned that, I got the message. X was off-limits. Ok, long story short, my feet was feeling wobbly and I knew I had to excuse myself before I melted before X. How did the conversation end?
'Keep in touch,' I said, smiled and slowly walked away, freezing up and solidifying my melted heart again. I tried to clear my head of what just happened and get my heart beat back to its normal pace again. I felt like slapping myself for losing control and allowing my emotions to get the better of me. I remember having a conversation with myself for the next few minutes after that.
Stop feeling this way.
He's taken, dream on.
This is not a movie. This will not end like in the movies.
Wake up, that is just a dream.
This is why it's called a crush. It is a crushing feeling I guess.
Will there be more of X's story?
....
