Dear 2017

December, you are finally here. The final month of 2017. 

I know it will just be a short matter of time before 2018 knocks on the door and deep down I know I will be welcoming 2018 with open arms, heart and mind. As it is, I can smell them already and my plans for 2018 is carefully being shaped into place. 

I was saving this entry for the longest time. I know this is perhaps the last entry for 2017. If I am lucky, I would be able to squeeze in a few more. 

One of the reasons I knew that I wanted to write this entry is so that I would remember the reason I started on this personal project that I created for myself, Dear 2017. 

Why did I create this?

I started 2017 with the mindset that I should set the bar for myself. Things happened in the past and I knew I needed to be positive, stay positive and fill myself as well as my surroundings with positive vibes. I planned on staying out of the negative radar, away from anything that was not giving me a peaceful night’s rest and everything along those lines throughout 2017. 

How did Dear 2017 turn out?

For starters, I knew I needed my genuinely cheerful self back. I wanted to do things that I sincerely believed in and not just doing it simply for the sake of just doing it, or having that just getting it over and done with attitude. One of the main things that I did to get on that direction, was to read. I buried myself in different genres of books, articles, posting and many more during my free time. I was amazed how reading made me feel. I started browsing for reading materials and encapsulated myself with them. I felt good and was surprisingly inspired; this was something I did not expect. Somehow, I realised, reading got my mind back on the right track. That was when I noticed I started to change. Not much at first, but slowly. Not only was I being positive, my actions were different, my thoughts changed and at the same time, I was also attracting many positive vibes to come my way. I did not count on this unspoken blessing. 

As time goes by, I learned to let go of the emotional baggage I invisibly carried around. I learned to not let my mind wander to whatever hurtful things that kept replaying in my mind which sometimes did bring me down. I trained myself to start doing what I enjoy and investing my time into different classes to keep the happiness going. 

There can be days I would drive to my favourite bakery after I was done with work and head home to munch on with a good book, or finish up some work accompanied by my all-time favourite cup of hot chocolate. There were weekends I would be curled up in bed binge watching some romantic drama and then texting my friends to discuss the plot. There were moments I decided to make more time to meet my loved ones and spending quality time with them. It was surprisingly unexpected, in a good way. 

If I have been dragging my feet to do some things and getting stuff done before, I would say I am no longer feeling such this year. Dear 2017 project was about mending and fixing myself, getting my wandering soul back on track to doing, maintaining the good vibes and achieving what I set myself up for from the very start. This project has been nothing short of an amazing ride. I learned so many things along the way, letting go, leaving unexplainable matter to the Almighty, putting my trust in Him and Him alone in getting myself back.  Furthermore, I am thankful for this personal space of mine, this has become an essential part of me and I start doing more for myself.

Needless to say, as the positivity spread its beautiful wings, ideas on my upcoming personal project for 2018 started brewing. Somehow, this idea got me excited and I know I going to be pushing my limits for this. I hope this project would give birth to a burst of positivity that would rub off on others who were once in my shoes and are looking for windows of hope to create and inspire. But I shall not reveal too much on this for now.

For whatever days that is left for 2017, I plan on enjoying it the best way possible. 

Dear 2017, you have been amazing. I am so glad I have this entry that would constantly allow me to  look back and inspire my future self to always keep moving forward and always create wonders.  

So 2018, I am ready for you, hello!

naimefied look:

hijab:  The World Map dUCk scarf

top: Olloum

pants: Olloum

shoes: Manolo Blahnik

photos by: Alfresco Express

Choose You

I was once asked to write a letter to myself when I attended a class 'Dear Hopeful Singleton' conducted by Aida and Ustazah Liyana. They will then post out the letter to me in a month’s time. I sat there and thought for a while of what I would write to myself. What do I want to tell myself in a month’s time when I receive it? My mind drew a blank. Alhamdulilah, things have been going great so far and I really could not think of anything I want to say to my future self. Instead, I wrote a thank you note to the both of them for that priceless workshop they both conducted. 

Tonight, after a while, I thought of this post that I would have wanted to read to myself once upon a time when I needed my own strength to lift me up when I was down and forcefully nailed to the ground. I wish I had this letter then to knock senses back into me and be merry again. 

So after I wrote the letter to my dear past previously, I decided to write this letter as a reminder to myself and to all those out there who are mending your broken hearts. I know it takes a lot of strength to get back up again. It is hard. But let me share something here which I hope may ease you all a little. Don’t take my word for it, but give yourself the chance to choose you. Yes you, beautiful.

Dear Beautiful, 

Don't we all remember break-ups all too well?

The many endless nights you cried yourself to sleep. 

The weakness you felt thinking how your world has crumbled right before you and there was absolutely no way you thought you could get back up again. 

How about the days after where you kept wishing that the one you emotionally depended on would come back, telling you he/she made a huge mistake and you two will continue from where you two left off, erase that episode, as if nothing happened between you both. 

What about the shoulders you relied on when you were down and weak. The strong shoulders of your dear family and friends or any loved ones who cushioned your fall, comforting you when you could not. 

Maybe some of you out there are still going through this moment of weakness. Some of you out there are perhaps still managing that quietly on your own, wishing you can turn back time and correct the mistake you made, which caused the one you loved to walk away from you. As much you do not want to think so, perhaps to some, you might already felt and know that he/she will not come back to you. At the very same time, you hope that your gut feeling is wrong this time round. 

No matter how many times that one has to go through it, no break-up is ever an easy to deal with task. It is tiring. It is messy. It is emotionally draining and mentally exhausting. It leaves an unseen scar unknown to the world and it causes you to be extra careful for future references. It can be unexpectedly taxing without you realising.

As ironic as it may seem now, you will, in the future be thankful for those heartbreaking moments that you had to go through. You will realise in the future that the painful moments that you are experiencing now that will mould you to be a much better and happier you later in life. 

You will also learn to appreciate and live in the moment. You will learn to to be more forgiving. You may learn to be more tolerant towards yourself and towards others. You will realised that there will be many things you actually can achieve after the break-up happened, which you never thought possible before. You will set new goals. You will possibly break your own personal record. You may start something new and even be the next big thing. And that my dear, is the polished side to the break-up coin. 

You may probably be a different you now or in the future as compared to when you were attached. 

You might even get back to be the REAL you before you got hitched to that what's-his-name, the you everyone knew and once love. Some people are not necessarily their real self when they were attached. 

The new and improved you could now be better than you ever were before.

You will glow again. The tears will stop. The sparkle in your eyes that has dimmed, will shine again. You will smile and laugh again, even if it means you are occupying yourself with comedy marathon. But the fact that you are making that effort to not be stuck in that sad cage you are in, is already a huge achievement. 

Tell yourself, ‘If can handle a break-up, I sure can conquer the world.’

You owe that to your broken heart. You owe that to yourself, beautiful. 

Smile.

Shine.

Sparkle.

You now have that opportunity to be what you would like to be, do what you would like to do, do not let that slip you by. 

Moving on may not be an option you have now, because you still hope for that one who broke your heart to return. Moving on many not even be what you want, or a place you would like to be in, but there is no harm giving it a shot. What is the worse that can happen? Your heart has already been broken into a million pieces, yet, it is still beating strongly. Even that strong heart of yours believes you can get through this. 

Choose you my dear. Invest in yourself for a change instead of in others. Promise yourself you will be worth the investment and work on giving yourself great returns.

Hop on that ride of life to discover the wonders you are capable of achieving. Be Amazing. You have the power to define how amazing you can be. 

One of the things that you will never have regret is, to choose you. 

Love,

You

'No Plans' Saturday

Saturdays used to be my favourite day of the week. It was THE day I look forward to after a week of being productive. It is the very day I get to sleep in a little longer, wake up a little later. I did not need to worry about looking at my watch and that I should be out of the door by a certain time and a whole bunch of other things. It has always been that one day of the week that I get to free my mind and give myself permission to do absolutely nothing. 

I normally try to sign up for classes on weekday nights as much as possible. That way, my weekends will be free and plan-less, just the way I like it. Sometimes I have to get up and not be able to do what I have been looking forward to do the whole week. This means, I can’t continue my sleep after fair prayers and that I am needed to get a bunch of things done unexpectedly. When this happens, I am probably worse than Grumpy the dwarf. UUrrgghhhh.

However, once I am over the grumpiness, I am back to normal. When whatever that is needed to be done is settled, I realised I am overwhelmed with energy and nothing to do. Then I got frustrated that I have no plans, nothing, nil. Another uuurrrggghhhh moment. Suddenly I need to plan something, or rather anything so as not to waste this wave of energy that has unexpectedly engulfed me. 

This is where I start to create some plans and go with the flow. for the rest of the day. These days, I realised I am spending a bit more time than the past to jot down pieces of my life in Naimefied. I note down pieces of happiness to remind myself how blessed I really am and I should be thankful for what I am presented with. 

Saturday is still my favourite day of the week. Somehow, it has moved to become productive weekend as well. Now, my Saturday mornings are (still) spent without plans, but I am being open to slot some last minute plans in when I least expect it and not be annoyed by the hiccup in my ‘no-plans’ Saturday plan. I welcome this and try to be positive with whatever comes my way. I now constantly have my laptop, my notepad or a good book within reach to keep myself occupied with ideas and inspirations to amuse myself. I found myself to be more productive this way even during the weekends. A positive change for myself indeed. 

And now, back to my ‘No Plans’ Saturday. 

Season Of Sale

This year was a year I challenged myself to another level. While I was working on my Dear 2017 project of being awesome, creating memories for future me and many more, I was also working on saving up to renew Caliph's life. Caliph has been a great companion to me, sheltered me through rain and shine in every situation and giving him up to the scrapyard did not seem like the ideal situation. I had to save more and train myself to mainly recondition my mind. This was an absolutely huge challenge for me.

In doing that, I worked on what I could give up and what I knew is a huge MUST. Kindly note, my definition of MUST here is not necessarily a need and it differs from other people's definition of MUST. 

First and foremost, in dealing with this, I knew I was going to have a hard time not getting any dUCk scarves entirely, therefore, I rationalised the situation. I do not need any new colours from any of the basic range. What I knew was a must-have were the limited editions. Instead of getting all the colours, I convinced myself that I only needed 1 or 2 of the colours for the limited edition print designs. This rationalisation certainly helped a lot. 

I stopped getting myself new clothes altogether. By clothes here, I am referring to tops, bottoms, dresses and even shoes. This was exceptionally hard for me. With the rise of the online shopping and the convenience of making mobile payment, using various types of payment gateway, I loathe being on cold turkey. Some of my friends were tremendously nice, they knew my 'need to save' mission and presented me with some stuff to make the mission bearable. This happened only during my birthday month. I did not accept it initially, but the next thing I knew, the postman was at my doorstep. I felt too blessed every single day and they just made my birthday month even more beautiful.  

After a while, it got easier to refrain myself from committing any online shopping. It gave me a different as well as fresh perspectives on the various fashion scenes in the Muslimah and non-Muslimah committee within the region. What looks good on people, what works, what can work, how can one make a piece of clothing work regardless of the label. I started looking at my own wardrobe and thought to myself, how many times do I regularly wear all my clothes? I do have clothes which barely see the sun, some of which do not even step out of the house and still had their price tag on before they go off season, or be given away to others. Yeah, I am that brat you love to hate. 

In saving up for Caliph, I started learning to utilise more of my ready-to-wear (RTW) clothes (which are readily available in my wardrobe) more often, mixing and matching them up here and there. Unfortunately, I did not do this as often as I would like to until I had to renew Caliph. This was another blessing which I supposed I have constantly overlooked, maximising the potential of what I already have.

After Caliph was renewed, I got used to not giving in to my desire for online shopping. Who would have thought, the cold turkey did work! What is even better, I was styling myself up, looking good, feeling good and saving at the same time. 

What rubbed off on me after that was that not only was I refraining myself from buying impulsively, I started looking out for what I deem as season of sale clothes. Clothes which were off season but still ever green to the vast number of ladies out there. What kind of clothes could work well regardless if one wears the hijab or not. I experimented and put aside a budget and tried to maximise that amount, which is best spent during the season of sale, the best to its possibility. There are some group of ladies out there who do not really care about labels. The clothes look good, it's on sale, they are sold and the next thing you know, they have already hit the checkout button on their smart devices. 

I constantly revisited that certain pieces of clothing which I cannot let go since I first got them. They just fits me so well and on days when all else do not look good on me, I just run to it, have it on me and out the door I go to seize the world. Do we all not relate to these moments in life?

Now, there are a whole bunch of other things needed to be saved for; a potential home, renovation works, future family projects and way too many more to be listed. I decided that the season of sale will be my best friend for the rest of the remaining year. I also wanted to revisit the love for so many styles which looks great average ladies such as myself. I might extend this till next year but let me not get ahead of myself.

naimefied look

hijab: The Yummy dUCk in Kuih Koci

top: MimpiKita

pants: Mango

Oh Work

Before I headed to work today, I already felt my stress level spiking. I just had way too many things needed to be done and I knew I had to push myself and my will power to get me through the day. The next part will be at the end of the day, I will need to look back and reflect how much did I manage to accomplish?

As I was done with fajr prayers, I recalled the advice by one of my ustaz; to get back down at my lowest after the final salam and talk to Him. I knew it was going to be a tough day, I needed Him to ease things for me even before I started on them. 

Upon reaching work, I remembered something my ustaz taught me to try out which I have applied before. I thought of applying it again today. It is a little conversation that I would have with myself and my work. 

'Oh work, I am doing my best in the name of Allah. It is going to be a long and challenging day, but let it also be a productive one. I am doing this for His sake and I am sure, it will be eased with His help. So work, let's do this!'

Little did I expect that today, I was superwoman. At least that was what I viewed myself to be, it does not matter what my friend sitting next to me thinks. I managed to complete and strike off so many on my to-do list today. I left work minutes before they locked the gate, but I felt super accomplished as I walked home. 

Maybe I should try this kind of conversations with myself and apply it in other areas which may be useful in the future, make me overly efficient like my off Ayu and be the queen of decluttering like my other off, Ratna. 

And now, it time to relax in bed and get that much needed good rest.

'Oh sleep, I really need you now. Let's head to dreamland together.' 

Create Something

Lately, I have been feeling a little more happy and positive. Somehow, I am able to make time and have the space to spend a bit more time drafting my posts. I am able to reply to emails sent by my friends from far away and exchange thoughts. I realised that this space in Naimefied is indeed very special to me as days go by. I remember when I told my friend, Boris, about my worries, he was one of the people who encouraged me to use this blog platform to good use. His words of encouragement always accompanied me whenever I am in doubt.

To be honest, I only wanted this space to be special in a way that when time pass, I can look back here in this space of mine and be able to record the wonders of my life. I wanted nothing more than having it filled with great and wonderful memories I had been blessed with. I would be able to share these memories with the future older me, my parents, my extended family, my future husband, my future unborn kids and my many other future unknown out there. I would want anyone who is reading this space to put aside whatever negativity they had, and work towards being a little more positive, or give positivity a second chance if things are not going their way.

I have been spending some time working on myself. I like how I am turning out to be. There were things I have always wanted to do, but I never had the time or the energy to get it done. There was always else that was a higher need that needed my focus and attention. My priorities have always been on track and I cannot compromise that. My ideas and what I always wanted to do, can wait. Now, I am spending a bit more time here because somehow, this space is becoming second nature to me without putting my priorities aside. It does not feel like a chore to write in here. I am beginning to like that feeling. That feeling of being blessed, happiness and positivity.

It is a good feeling I must say. I am beginning to draft out more content which got me ticking. Things that I am passionate about mainly and my future plans on working to be a hopefully, much better me than I am today. What inspired me more recently to move forward and look ahead, were the words these words by Ustaz Mizi Wahid.

I thought it was time I create something in Naimefied. It is also in my Dear 2017 personal project list to create something. I am excited about it and in time to come, I will be share it here. It is amazing how windows of opportunities open themselves up when we least expect it. I am taking it upon myself to make this move to improve myself and my outlook in life. Soon, In shaa Allah. 

My Dear Past... This Is Where I leave You

Many times, I would draft out my posts but change my mind half way through. I would either just leave it on the draft mode or delete it entirely. Tonight however, is an entry I would like to share as this is something dear to me. It is about moving on, for good.

Earlier this week, I received a text from a dear friend about someone from a distant memory. Someone I do not wish to remember at all. We did not part on good terms and I had a hard time dealing with the situation at that point of time. It was not easy and I did not know how to deal with the situation at that point of time.

Looking back, I like to think things are different now from the me back then. I thought of sharing this post to my past in a form of a letter which I hope will benefit some of those out there who are having a hard time convincing yourselves to move on. I know it is hard, I have been there multiple times and it did not get any easier each time. Hence, the letter below are excerpts from the recent talk I attended, Moving On For Good, conducted by Ustaz Mizi from Safinah Institute which I applied back then (and it really did work for me even though I did not know of them back then) mixed with other ways of moving on.  

First and foremost, do note that sharing this letter is probably one of the hardest for me to do. Not as hard as it used to be back then, but hard enough. So here goes...


My Dear Past,

On days after we parted ways, I replayed the episodes over and over again in my mind. I had so many questions. Questions after questions flowed out. It mainly started with why....? Not to mention the swollen eyes thanks to all the tears that refused to stop flowing. Basically, I was an emotional wreck back then. I did not know how to pick up the pieces and move on. I was emotionally weak. 

People say time heal all wounds. In a way, it was true. After dwelling on the pain of the situation for a while, it did get better. The tears no longer flow like a river. I learn to accept the situation. I had to force myself to accept it before eventually accepting it for real. Over time, I rationalised your behaviour. I gave you the benefit of the doubt. I even tried to humanise your actions. 

I am sure there was a good reason.

I am sure this is the best decision for us.

I am sure there is hikmah beneath this trial.

There is light at the end of this horrible tunnel I am in now.

There will be something good I will realise when I am back to normal.

This had to happen, it was a matter of time. Better now than later. Some day, I will look back and be glad it happened. 

The list goes on. I tried not to make you look bad. Trust me, when I listed all that in my mind, I had a hard time believing them myself back then. Little did I expect that one day such as tonight, I am actually writing this, as a reminder to how much things have changed and how far different I am now. 

I then got down to compartmentalising myself; my emotions, my actions and work on my road to heal the inner me. The road to healing myself was definitely a challenging one. I knew that in order to try to move on, I had to let go of memories which reminded me of you, my dear past. I blocked you from anything and everything, emails, contacts and social media. When some mutual friends spoke of you, I had my poker face on and did not acknowledge the news about you. Deep inside, I was fuming mad just hearing your name. 

Was it fair for me to go through all that because of you? I do not think so, but I believe that everything happened for a good reason and I accepted that. It is those self-reasoning which got me through, along with so many prolong sujuds, crying my heart out to Him who is ever ready to listen to my sad story. I badly needed to heal. To erase the pain you caused me. 

When I was slightly better, I tried checking out new places which had no memories of you. I invested in some good books and took the time to read those self motivation books at those places. They helped me through for quite a bit. I looked at how I was, how bad things were and how I can be better. By then, I had already forgiven myself and you. I realised I was starting to smile again.

There were days I wondered, why did you hurt me this bad? But what kind of an answer was I expecting? What kind of answer would I get from you?

"I had nothing better to do Naime. I really wanted to hurt you and make you suffer just for fun. There Naime, you happy now?"

Just like that, I snapped out of that moment and got back on track to my healing process. 

Since I had all these free time at hand, I began looking into learning new things, to try out something, to occupy my time with something, instead of hearing sappy love songs which will somehow remind me of you, my dear past. 

My family and my dear friends were an amazing pillars of support. They helped in picking up the broken pieces of me and as tenderly as possible, slowly assisted in pieces me back into shape. I know it was not easy for them to watch me be in that state back then, but they patiently stood by and shielded me from any possible future hurt by you. They reminded me that sometimes, the lesson of life and growing older comes in many unexpected ways. One of it is by getting hurt in order to learn and be better. Some life lessons are painful, some may be expensive, some could really hurt to the very core. It is how one chose to learn from it, is the real answer. 

Did I choose to dwell on the matter forever and be stuck in that zone for good, waiting and hoping for things to go back to how it once used to be? Did I choose to be bitter about it and not leave that zone I was in? Or did I choose to pick myself up and move on? Which choice I wanted to be in, was entirely up to me. I owe these wonderful people a huge thank you for helping me get back up, move on and eventually heal. 

So my dear past, you are known as a past for a really good reason. You were there by your own choice. I never got the chance to thank you for the unfortunate episode. Had you not do what you did, I would not have pushed myself to be a better me. I would not be here typing this out hoping that it will somehow help others out there who are in need to move on. 

As for you, my dear past, you too need to let me go. You too need to move on, without me. I no longer blame you, neither am I bitter anymore. Forgive me if I hurt you or if you are unhappy with me in any way. You had your reasons and I respect that. I hope you are happy with your decision and I sincerely pray for your happiness. There is no use trying to get in touch with me for there is nothing left to be said. You said your pieces back then and I accepted all that.

You, my dear past, need to learn to accept that I am just a mere history in your life once upon a time. One that existed for a short while back then. Embrace that future, that destiny that you have always been dreaming of. The one that you were pretty sure was going to work out great. You are someone with great potential and a bright future, do not let that go to waste. 

So my dear past, this is where I leave you. I have moved on, from you, for good. So should you. 
Goodbye.

Regards,
U've been Naimefied, haha. 


I sincerely hope that by sharing this piece of an experience, it would help some of there out there who is in need to heal and move on. It is definitely not easy, but it will be better, in due time, if you work on it. There will be days you feel like you do not wish to move on, it is too much of hard work, you want things to be the way they used to be. There could even be a day when the one who hurt you comes crawling back, begging for another chance and that is entirely up to you.

Happiness is always a great choice, choose to be happy, even if it means being alone for a while to find yourself and work on yourself. When you are happier being the real you by yourself, many other blessings will keep coming your way, surrounding you. You will be surprised at what achievement you are able to unlock when you embark on that road to heal and move on.

Good luck.

The Imperfect Me

No one is perfect, that is certain. How bad is the imperfect me?

Let me list my flawsome self down:

I am totally not a morning person. I truly enjoy the pleasure of stretching my sleep anytime I can, even if it is just for an extra 5 minutes.

When I meet anyone for dinner dates on weekday nights, I would be yawning by 9.30pm. This can go on and on and I have no control over my yawning. My friends never seem to get bored of teasing me about this.

Sometimes I am temperamental.

I give all sorts of excuses to get started on my workout routine. I should. I will. But I have not for the year.

I do not like to cook, but I love eating.

I buy way too many books which I hardly finish reading.

I still believe in fairy tales, that everyone has a happily ever after. I just do not like dealing with the messy middle part.

I enjoy a weekend or any holiday I get, just being in bed and staring into space. Doing nothing.

I love learning new things, but I do not really put them into practice.

I have way too many ideas in my mind which I never really worked on. I blame a whole lot of factors for not working on them. Everything else, but myself.

There are way too many scarves in my scarf drawer. Many of which hardly see the sun. I keep reaching for the same ones over and over again. Yet, I would always get those new ones I fell in love with, then keep them in the closet, saving them for special occasions. When that special day comes, I do not seem to have the perfect outfit to match it and look for more new scarves to match that outfit.

Sometimes, I have set my mind to being an anti-social for the day. This does not happen often but it could when I am too tired and I just wish to zone out for a while to re-wire my mind. I find it difficult to switch myself to being the cheerful me. This may seem as me being a snob. If in any way, any of you who are reading this received a cold shoulder from me before, please forgive me.

At times, I love having my own personal space. This is a huge need for me.



There are way too many more flawsome flaws for me to list and this is just some of the flaws that comes with me as a package deal. With all these attached to me, I embrace the flaws that come with me. I am working on being better and hopefully in the future, I better me.

No matter what, I hope I will never forget my self-worth as mentioned by Ustazah Liyana and Aida Azlin in yesterday's class. I am important to myself and I should never let anyone control me and dictate my life.

To a much better tomorrow and every other day in becoming the better version of me. I am me.

Customer Service

Even thought my Dear 2017 personal project is going well, I am already working on my upcoming project for next year, Hello 2018. This project presented itself unexpectedly and I am not going to reveal too much about this. I shall leave this at a later date.

Part of this project required me to contact vendors to enquire what I need to know. I do not like to do this part. I have worked with some vendors before on other projects, so engaging them again this time round is a breeze. It also help if the vendors are friends of mine, I am happy to boost their business. 

Some vendors on the other hand that I contacted were rather, cold. Which made me think about customer service. I do not believe that customers are always right. Customers can sometimes be unreasonable, but it would really help if the customer service officer is (genuinely) nice. I think this is a huge plus point in dealing with customers. Even if it is on paper, on email, I personally find it to be warm when the sincerity is reflected and believe me, it makes a huge difference. It also makes me wonder if I should or want to work with them for this project. 

I do hope the future business personnels that I am required to contact are much nicer than the currently cold ones. What can I say, I am aging gracefully and sensitive to the very core. 

On a better note, I cannot wait to ride the waves into Hello 2018. I shall try to keep the journey of this project as positive as I possibly can. 

  

Singlehood Part 2: Single & Unavailable

Some time ago, I did think that in order to be happy like how everyone else was, I thought being married was the answer. I had my plans drawn out to be like everyone else's; go to school, get that degree, work, find a partner and everything else will fall into place. Yes?

I wanted to be like how others are, to be on a par with others my age.  

However I forgot to realise that I am perhaps not meant to be on that same path as some of my friends are. I may not be meant to experience what they are experiencing because I am not meant to be on that journey (yet). I was living my life and fitting my schedule around my friends' married life. I forgot that I too needed to live and grow on my own. 

When that realisation occured, that was when things slowly started to change to my liking. I was already having a good (some may view it as sad though) life, but when I learned to accept that I am just meant to be single for the time being, life just got even better. That was when I started to truly discover and understand myself much better than before. I started becoming that better version of myself.


Reconnect With Other Gfs

As some may think that I only have Ratna and Ayu in my life, that is partially true. I grew up with these two who has seen me at my best and worst. They are of course my offs. Technically, that title came with heavy responsibilities, of course. They were always around to entertain my ideas most of the time. But I do have other friends too and I started making time to meet up with them and catch up on things. I have so many group chats on my whatsapp and they consist of friends from different walks of life at different stages of growing up. So whenever someone suggested to meet up, I try to free up some time for a meet.

At time, I would be the one suggesting and doing the planning as well to get others together. If any of my friends reading this post, anyone up for teh tarik soon?


Plan Surprises

I am one who is always itching with ideas, or so I think. Given the resources I have, I thought of ways to surprise my friends of their birthdays. I enjoyed doing that. I enjoyed surprising my family and friends when they least expect it.

One of my main mission that I would like to keep doing is to outdo every surprise, each being better than before. This does not happen as much as I would like it to, but I kind of like doing this kind of planning. I found a balloon store near my place and I simply kept having balloons delivered to my work place whenever someone's celebrating their birthday. The look on their faces were priceless.

Which reminds me, someone's birthday is coming up soon and I should think of something special for her soon.


Learn Something New

I have to say, Youtube is my best friend when it comes to this. I learned many new stuff from Youtube. My favourite being how to do flatlays, which I am still not a master of it.

When it comes to make-up skills, I have to thank Erwin (my sister from another set of parents altogether). She is the QUEEN of cosmetics. Her make-up is always on point and I have always been mesmerised by her make-up skills. Sometimes she will show me how to contour, where I should blush, how to apply liquid eyeliner and so many more. Even at this age, I am a noob when it comes to make-up and she is forever my lifesaver. She never gets tired to send me videos of how to wing the liner, although I fail all the time, she never gets tired to push me to keep trying. What are sisters for right?

I always have love-hate relationships when it comes to cooking. Still, I do make time to learn to cook some of my all-time favourite dishes such as laksa, chicken in red sauce and a few more from my amazing mom. I think my cooking skills got better with time *blows fingernails*. Just do not expect me to be the next home cook Masterchef anytime soon.

Aside from those kind of skills, I also look for religious classes to deepen my understanding of my own religion. I signed up for them, attend them and come back home feeling good and slightly wiser.

I also signed up for some other short courses and I am considering to do another degree, learning something out of my comfort zone. It is a consideration, but I do not have as much time as I used to compared to the days when I was younger. So for now, short courses are good and it keeps me going and on my toes.


Catch Up On Some Reading

I am not really a huge fan of reading. But when the mood comes, I only put the books down simply to fill my tummy up and bio break, then it's back to the books again. There are also times when I never got around to finish the books that I started. The types of books that I indulge in varies from time to time. I would love a good romance book in my native language anytime. But I also enjoy books from different genres such as science-fiction, biographies as well as personal development. Even if I did not finish reading some of them, there are always some take-aways from those books.

It does feel good that I manage to gain some knowledge from these books. I also felt inspired to do something and inject something interesting into my so-called mundane lifestyle. It gave me ideas to embark on some personal project from time to time.

For example, when I read The No Spend Year by Michelle McGagh, I was impressed by her willpower to not spend for that 365 days that she put her mind to. I know I have a hard time just saying no to my favourite cookie brand each time I pass by the cookie stand. So this book definitely got my attention.

McGagh shared her idea, her reasons for doing so, the challenges and frustrations she had to go through and more. However, on the hindsight, there were many positive impacts and outcomes one could learn from it. If we put our mind into doing something we thought we could not do, but challenge ourselves to do it, we will actually discover some new stuff along the way.

In doing this, I would sometime look for quiet cafes without much crowd and spend my time in there, being inspired and jot down notes on how I could apply the ideas the ideas from the books I read to my life.


Staycation

I do not do this staycation idea often, I always feel that the money could be better channeled elsewhere. But sometimes, I know I needed time away to be with myself; alone. Since I am not allowed to travel alone, staycation is the answer. When this happens, I spend quality time with myself a.k.a ME - time.

I would check out when the pool is not crowded, spend some time swimming. Or chill in the hotel cafe by myself watching the world go by with a cup of hot chocolate. I would extra love it if the room comes with bath tub without me realising I booked for it.

During these moments, the quality time filled with rest and relaxation helps me rejuvenate. I would leave the place feeling happier, and being happy is always a good reason.


Redecorate My Personal 'Space'

By personal space here, I pretty much meant anything that needs physical or maybe emotional space.

Personal Space
I carry a journal-cum-schedule book with me almost everywhere I go. It is a book by Kikki-K which contains 365 pages. Before the year started, I already filled the pages up with pictures, wash tapes, stickers and even drawings of my designs of what I like. Yet, at the same time, I ensured that I have more than enough space to write down all the things that needs to be done daily. Sometimes I will add in inspiring quotes to inculcate the positive vibes in me.

On good days (trust me, this happens a lot), I will note down the good stuff as memories in that very book which I will look back whenever I felt down. Eventually over time, I was always looking at matters in positive light daily.

Right now I am currently looking at the possibility to redecorate my room. Been going around the island looking for furniture, inspiring decors from cafes and interiors to see what I like and what will make me feel even better than I already am. This is another personal project of mine that I am excited to work on and I just cannot wait to see the results. But first, I need to find another blocked leave to book the painters because I want this blocked leave to work on myself, becoming that better version of myself.

Emotional Space
As I age day by my day, yes I am well-aware of my fine graceful age. I no longer have the energy to get worked up over trivial matter or even any matter at times. I welcome the zen mindset; peace and harmony. I got rid of emotional baggages that were weighing me down. A lot of things no longer matter to me.

There were time when unhappy situations did occur, I learned to pick myself up and move on. Even when someone chose to paint me in bad light, the best thing I could do, is to remove myself completely from the toxic situation. Peace, and I am out. If the person cannot deal with my exit, it is not my problem. I need to maintain my sanity.

This may not be the best way for others, but everyone has their own calming mechanism to neutralise themselves and the situation. Mine works that way.


Working Out

Before my fall when I hit my tailbone, I was working out often. I used to do yoga and zumba regularly. At times I would drop by the nearest public pool and work on building my stamina. I am not a good swimmer and I still have some fear of the water, but I am overcoming my fear for it still.

My specialist is one amazing doctor. He never fails to continuously encourage me.

'Do not limit yourself simply due to the surgery. Live your life like a normal person, because you are normal,' those were his constant words to not hold myself back.

Lately, I have been slowly preparing myself mentally to get back to the working out stage again. I have been going on walks on my own to test myself. I had bearable pains so far during those long walks. Soon, I will be ready to be back in my workout attire again.



Promote What I LOVE

I love fashion and I love styling myself up with clothes. I also love being comfortable in what I wear. These days when I head to work, I keep it real. Wearing comfortable clothes as I am needed to be all over the places. When it is not work-related, that is when I morphed into something else altogether. Skirts, dresses, wide pants, heels and the next thing I know, I am doing my #ootd at my favourite wall or any background which is instagram worthy. Some days, I just love being in my slippers everywhere I go, it is who I am.

I experiment this love that I have for fashion on myself, changing my own mindset that I can actually look good with some colours and check out how some mismatched pairing can do wonders.

Another love that I keep neglecting is my love for this space of mine in naimefied.com. So many things happened that I wish I could jot them down in here more often that I hoped for. Make time, I keep telling myself that. I should. I will. I must! Oh dear time, please move slower.


Enjoy Breakfast Out

I hardly get to enjoy breakfast when I am working. I do love to eat but I have limited choices when it comes to having breakfast at work. So when I am on blocked leave, or when I do get the chance to go on staycation or vacation somewhere, I look forward to places with good breakfast. A good breakfast is always a fantastic start of any day.

Being Unavailable

Being single does not have to mean it is the end of my social life. My dear best friends Ratna and Ayu were always around, always ready to catch me whenever I fell, and they did that a lot. So did Erwin. She too was always ever-ready to surrender her shoulder to me whenever the need arises, or let me pick her brains each time I needed ideas, or spend any nights with her, checking out some place to eat. Most of the time we squabble over places to eat. We are fickle like that.  #girls

Once I welcomed this idea of singlehood and embraced it, that is when I truly lived. I actually worked on making future plans to do stuff, create ideas and content, expanding that idea into something more meaningful than its original intention was. I also started my own personal projects for myself every now and then. I worked on making my life even more meaningful.

I found myself being more open to make new discoveries with like-minded friends. I made new friends along the way, spend more quality time with my family members. There were time when I wanted to do things by myself, and I did. It was fun. I learned that I could actually do things that I never ever thought I could possibly do. I met so many nice people in my classes and it was easy to start conversations with the person sitting next to me, be it an aunty, elderly couples and even the staff of the cafe or coffee joint.

When I got myself busy with myself and all these things I wanted to do and explore, I became unavailable for the dramas and headaches I sometimes experience with ridiculous people. I was able to move away from these negative vibes and create my own happy space.

As I engulfed myself with the pleasure of happiness, it was easy for me to say, 'I'm not looking' when someone suggested I meet someone they know who they thought might be a perfect match for me. Or if a guy casually asked if we should start seeing each other on a regular basis because he thinks I am awesome. Yeah dude, I am amazing too in case you did not notice.

Things are going well and great for me. Maybe in the future I would probably share more about my personal life in here, but for now, I am loving this singlehood moment to the fullest. When I started my Dear 2017 project, I never expected so much of wonderful experience to come attached to it given my single status. But it did and I am working on making the best of it, being that bertter version of myself.

Singlehood Part 1: Being Single

One of the many things that I have always wanted to blog about was about single.

I have always contemplated writing about this topic for a very long time and I have to thank Ayu and Ratna for this. These two wonderful souls have always been one of the many people, who are also among my pillars of strengths who never got bored of pushing me to go beyond my limits whenever possible. They amaze me all the time and I have always secretly envied their life (in a good way) while they sometimes envied mine (also in a good way, of course). So I am just going to take a deep breathe and colour this post up. I hope one day, the future me would be able to look back at this post and thank the 'now/ by then I will be old' me, for this reminder to my future self.

Singlehood. 

I have so many words to describe that term. If I could describe it though, my list would probably not end.

Growing up with the mindset that ladies would have to be married before the age of 30, certainly used to put a whole load of pressure on me. The norm that I observed would be, to be married or spend our youth saving and planning for the big day with the future other, build a home together, have kids, watch them grow, educate them, look for a good school for them, travelling together as a family, et cetera. It seemed like the ideal picture painted and presented.

To some, that is perhaps what would be in the category of 'Made It'. Based on the above-mentioned examples, I would fall under the 'Not-Made-It-(Yet)' category. I am going to be honest here. I used to loathe that term 'single' to the very core. I detested whenever I get bombarded with the usual questions from all sorts of people every single time:

When is your turn?

Are you seeing anyone? Yes? No? 

If my answer was the magnificent Yes, it is usually accompanied with follow-up questions such as:

- What does he do for a living?
- How did you get to know each other?
- How long have you guys known each other?
- What are your future plans? 
- When is the big day happening for you?
- What? You guys have not talked about future plans? 
- What are you waiting for? You do know you have a bio clock ticking don't you?

Then if my answer was the condemned No, it sometimes seemed to be a customary thing to start trying to introduce me to someone, or at times, anyone for that matter. Some say they pity me for being single and lonely. Some would play match-maker and start sending me pictures of who they believe would be an ideal candidate for me and my future.

After a while, I dragged myself having to meet people, attend gatherings, weddings and anything where I am obligated to make conversations. People can sometimes be unknowingly insensitive. As I try my best to be friendly and good-natured about it, hearing their opinions tugged a raw nerve in me. I do have feelings too, you know. I supposed they did not mean to unintentionally make me feel uncomfortable with the questions, but a small part of me could not help it but felt that way at that point of time.

Maybe you are too picky Naime.
You need to lower your standard.
At your age, there are not many eligible guys left.

The list goes on. Some who knew me seem to have a great idea of how I should live MY life and pick ANY life partner. Some were voluntarily giving me tips on living my life. Some thought it was better to married than to be left on the shelves. There were others who were thoughtful and gave some preciously good advice and more.

Now that I thought back, I believe everyone meant well and from the bottom of my heart, I appreciated it all. As bad as it may sound, fact was, I was actually loved by all of them and they just wanted me to be happy, in their terms of happiness.


To be continued...