Sunday, 3 September 2017

Singlehood Part 1: Being Single

One of the many things that I have always wanted to blog about was about single.

I have always contemplated writing about this topic for a very long time and I have to thank Ayu and Ratna for this. These two wonderful souls have always been one of the many people, who are also among my pillars of strengths who never got bored of pushing me to go beyond my limits whenever possible. They amaze me all the time and I have always secretly envied their life (in a good way) while they sometimes envied mine (also in a good way, of course). So I am just going to take a deep breathe and colour this post up. I hope one day, the future me would be able to look back at this post and thank the 'now/ by then I will be old' me, for this reminder to my future self.

Singlehood. 

I have so many words to describe that term. If I could describe it though, my list would probably not end.

Growing up with the mindset that ladies would have to be married before the age of 30, certainly used to put a whole load of pressure on me. The norm that I observed would be, to be married or spend our youth saving and planning for the big day with the future other, build a home together, have kids, watch them grow, educate them, look for a good school for them, travelling together as a family, et cetera. It seemed like the ideal picture painted and presented.

To some, that is perhaps what would be in the category of 'Made It'. Based on the above-mentioned examples, I would fall under the 'Not-Made-It-(Yet)' category. I am going to be honest here. I used to loathe that term 'single' to the very core. I detested whenever I get bombarded with the usual questions from all sorts of people every single time:

When is your turn?

Are you seeing anyone? Yes? No? 

If my answer was the magnificent Yes, it is usually accompanied with follow-up questions such as:

- What does he do for a living?
- How did you get to know each other?
- How long have you guys known each other?
- What are your future plans? 
- When is the big day happening for you?
- What? You guys have not talked about future plans? 
- What are you waiting for? You do know you have a bio clock ticking don't you?

Then if my answer was the condemned No, it sometimes seemed to be a customary thing to start trying to introduce me to someone, or at times, anyone for that matter. Some say they pity me for being single and lonely. Some would play match-maker and start sending me pictures of who they believe would be an ideal candidate for me and my future.

After a while, I dragged myself having to meet people, attend gatherings, weddings and anything where I am obligated to make conversations. People can sometimes be unknowingly insensitive. As I try my best to be friendly and good-natured about it, hearing their opinions tugged a raw nerve in me. I do have feelings too, you know. I supposed they did not mean to unintentionally make me feel uncomfortable with the questions, but a small part of me could not help it but felt that way at that point of time.

Maybe you are too picky Naime.
You need to lower your standard.
At your age, there are not many eligible guys left.

The list goes on. Some who knew me seem to have a great idea of how I should live MY life and pick ANY life partner. Some were voluntarily giving me tips on living my life. Some thought it was better to married than to be left on the shelves. There were others who were thoughtful and gave some preciously good advice and more.

Now that I thought back, I believe everyone meant well and from the bottom of my heart, I appreciated it all. As bad as it may sound, fact was, I was actually loved by all of them and they just wanted me to be happy, in their terms of happiness.


To be continued...

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